The last few weeks, summed up in one conversation:
女孩儿还是男孩儿？ (Boy or girl?)
女孩儿。 (Girl)
她几岁？ (How old is she?)
三岁。 (Three)
三岁！这么大！？ (Three! That big!?)
她说汉语还是英语？ (Can she speak Chinese or English?)
都可以。 (Both.)
哦！很棒！ (Oh! Wonderful!)
她冷吗？ (Is she cold?)
不冷。 (She’s not cold.)
*Feels her hands.* 多穿点衣服。(Put more clothes on her.)
Had a great time. See you again someday…
I tend to distance myself from any China writing I did from 2008 till early 2010. While I was never shaken by China, some of that early writing is still amateurish, misguided and compared to where I am now, a tad embarrassing.
That being said, there are some gems. For Throwback Thursday, I’ll be reposting them until I run out, which means this should probably last another couple Thursdays:
Entry 17: Friday Night Lectures on the Sunshine Campus (originally posted March 26, 2009)
Concentrated Oral English Training Centre.
We have gone from a semester of Concentration Camp to Concentrated Oral English. We have gone from extremely offensive to hmmmm? If the classes are concentrated, then what are the students? Concentrated? Or just concentrating? Let me know.
The routine last semester was to hold English Corner on Friday nights. Although it’s understandable because that’s when all the students were available, there were two obstacles stopping most foreign teachers. It’s on the New Campus. It’s on Friday night.
The first isn’t bad until you combine it with the second. As a result, asking a foreign teacher to do the English Corner went from a “Would you mind doing the English Corner?” to “There is 1 million RMB sitting on the New Campus. Yeah, it’s right there.”
Under the net.
The English Corner wasn’t so bad. They provided you with free drinks and there were plenty of opportunities to meet and talk with students. Aside from the location and time, one issue was the questions that would come up. You are a foreigner. They have probably never met a foreigner before. So it makes sense that they would get curious.
How long have you been in China? Can you use chopsticks? Do you like Chinese food? Do you like China? What do you think of [city you’re in]?
And my all-time favorite: why did you come to China? One student asked me this with clear surprise in her voice. But she’s an English major. She’ll find out in a few years.
I had not been to an English Corner since October or so. Two weeks ago, they asked me to do a lecture for English majors. When?
Friday night.
Jesus. Where?
New Campus.
Christ.
I asked them to move it to the old campus (where I live). They couldn’t. Then Elise proposed the following: Molly and I do the lecture together.
We combined our classes one day and played games. We played Hangman, Head’s Up 7-Up, and Musical Chairs. During the last one, they opted to ignore the music and sit down whenever they wanted, despite repeated reminders not to. It added a nice element of chaos that I really appreciated.
Elise took this idea and gave us the lecture. Molly prepared the topic, made an outline, and told her non-English major students to meet them at Building 7 where it’s supposed to be held.
Except Elise then told us it’s supposed to be in Building 3. D’oh!
On a cold Friday night, we took the bus and got off at the first stop. At building 7 to tell her students to go to building 3. Students weren’t there. We waited. Finally, ten minutes after it was supposed to start, the student organizer Patricia comes running up frantic. She’d already gathered Molly’s students and directed them to the right place. D’oh!
We entered to applause and lots of pictures. We lectured to silence, an occasional laugh, and lots more pictures. We ended with even more pictures. Your students will want to take pictures with you. Let them.
Oh, and the questions. Did I mention that? We did college life, American university life where the emphasis is typically anywhere but on the University part. At the end we opened the floor to Q & A.
A girl got the mic and related the history of an athlete named Carl Lewis. I’m not talking about a few notable accomplishments, but she gave me a thorough biography. I knew a question was coming, and I was hoping her recitation might shed some clues on what I should say.
No such luck. She asked, “How is he doing with the cancer?”
Who?
“But you’re American! You know who he is!”
She got upset. Visibly agitated that I don’t know who he is. Or was.
How is doing with the cancer?
Patience is still a required skill.
On the train we entered the car at the back end. We had to get our huge suitcase to the front. We’re going along pretty well, until here comes this guy. His suitcase is smaller than mine, more of a satchel with wheels. We politely ask him to stand aside, but Fuckstick apparently can’t wait the whole three seconds it would take to let us by. He says he can’t and just stands there, waiting for us to haul our suitcase, which is bigger than two of him put together, out of the way, squeezing it between a couple seats.
Patience?
Patience is watching a woman twice your age throw a temper tantrum because she can’t cut you in line for the elevator.
Patience is being woken up at the crack of dawn by a megaphone right outside your window blaring “Mai pingguo you zi!” on infinite repeat.
Patience is arriving at the Hankou train station jet-lagged with four suitcases to find the elevator closed. Patience is listening to the guard tell you it’s closed without explaining why.
Patience is then watching the guard open it for someone else after you’ve hauled your four suitcases up the steps, one at a time.
Patience is dealing with stuff like this on a daily basis. Patience is dealing with it, and not going to jail.
Patience is the difference between making it in China or going fucking insane.
I have to say, I’m really enjoying this new style of lecturing the University of Tennessee has implemented. Basically, at the end of each class, they take the professor and crucify him.
It’s great. Not only does it cut down on annoying digressions, but it also adds a wonderful sense of urgency to the class.
Especially towards the end.
At the second university, they decided whether or not to renew a foreign teacher’s contract by observing a class twice, or for Jarrett’s class, three times. They had two lists of what they’d seen and what the class monitor had told them. They called the good stuff Yes Points, the bad stuff No Points. First time Jarrett had heard the name was in Orientation, where they gathered all the Chinese and foreign teachers in a conference room and made them watch a Powerpoint on the dos and donts of teaching English in China. This was one of the few times all the foreign teachers would be together, just as it was the only time every Chinese and foreign teacher would be together.
Jarrett’s Yes Points were as follows: nice, not late, friendly.
Jarrett’s No Points were as follows: late, strict, and once he’d given a hard assignment.
He asked about that last one. The woman in charge of giving foreign teachers their evaluations, an auntie who covered her smiles with her hand, said, According to the monitor, you make the students write some words.
Yeah, I assigned them an essay.
She looked at him.
That is, I had them write about either their high school, their families, or –
It is not a writing class, she said, shaking.
It’s an English class.
It is oral English.
Yeah, but these students are all going to study abroad, right?
She looked at him like she didn’t know what he was talking about, despite at the beginning of the semester having told him that this was a special class, for students who were going to the Czech Republic to finish their degrees. They talked up how important this class was, how these students had been specially selected to do this.
Now . . .
Never mind, he said. Is that all?
This is a . . . She sought the word. So did Jarrett, and the word she found surprised him: De-duction. This is a de-duction. Is this okay?
Is it okay?
This is a de-duction.
Now it was Jarrett who sought his words, trying on different ones and settling for: Yeah. Sure. That’s fine.
Okay, she said. This is a de-duction.
She took a red pen and made a mark on a paper. Okay, she said. Now we must discuss why you are late.
